


"That's a Good Name for a Rock Band," Said Reno and Only Reno.

by KDblack



Series: In the Shadow of Midgar [4]
Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII (Video Game 1997), Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Aerith and Tifa are not but their presence is felt regardless, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Elena is there but she's asleep the whole time, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-12
Updated: 2020-08-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:28:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25868197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KDblack/pseuds/KDblack
Summary: Tseng peeled one of his eyes open experimentally. He immediately regretted everything, right down to immigrating to Midgard as an impressionable teenager and meeting Rufus Shinra as a hollow-eyed youth. This was what Tseng got for trying to make a difference in the world: a steady job as PA for the world's youngest supervillain, the worst coworkers imaginable, and weekends spent alternately so drunk he could pretend said coworkers knew how to play instruments or too hungover to live. Why was he dedicating so much time and energy to a band that didn't even have a name yet?Right. Because it made Reno, Rude, and Elena happy – and Rufus amused – and they were the closest things he had to actual friends. When had his life become so sad?(Band AU, kind of.)
Relationships: Rufus Shinra/Tseng
Series: In the Shadow of Midgar [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1765723
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	"That's a Good Name for a Rock Band," Said Reno and Only Reno.

Waking up to the shriek of Reno's laughter was the first indication Tseng had that his day was about to go off the rails. The sound managed to be both screeching and horse-like. Awful. The second indication was a stiffness in his neck, back, and... everywhere else, honestly, which – combined with the pounding in his head and the firmness of wood floor underneath him – suggested that perhaps part of the problem was that yesterday had also gotten out of hand.

He was sleeping on the floor. Why was he sleeping on the floor? Tseng did not know and he was too hungover to care.

What would it take to make Reno shut up?

“Oh man, he actually did it!”

Yes, he certainly had, assuming 'he' was Reno and 'it' was reaching new levels of annoyance.

“This is the best thing ever!”

No.

“Guys, guys, guys, wake up and look at this. You gotta. You just gotta, yo!”

Tseng made a 'hnnnnng' noise and grabbed for the nearest cushion. His roaming hand encountered Rude's face, Elena's foot, and something that felt suspiciously like a cat's tongue before finally closing on a stray couch cushion. The cat's tongue followed his arm as he pulled back his prize, licking aggressively at him.

...was that an actual cat? They'd better not have stolen Aerith's pet again. Tseng was running out of non-grovelling ways to apologize to her.

“Guys!” 

Running footsteps sent stabs of pain through Tseng's temples. A second later, Rude let out a breathless groan. Clearly Reno had jumped on him. Tseng appreciated his sacrifice.

"Mrrp," said the cat in a flat, unimpressed tone. Yeah, that was for sure Aerith's Nanaki. Tseng was never going to be able to look her in the eye again.

“C'mon, Rude! Open your eyes!”

“No,” Rude grunted.

Tseng peeled one of his eyes open experimentally. He immediately regretted everything, right down to immigrating to Midgard as an impressionable teenager and meeting Rufus Shinra as a hollow-eyed youth. This was what Tseng got for trying to make a difference in the world: a steady job as PA for the world's youngest supervillain, the worst coworkers imaginable, and weekends spent alternately so drunk he could pretend said coworkers knew how to play instruments or too hungover to live. Why was he dedicating so much time and energy to a band that didn't even have a name yet?

Right. Because it made Reno, Rude, and Elena happy – and Rufus amused – and they were the closest things he had to actual friends. When had his life become so sad?

“There we go!” Reno crowed. A second later, his hands were on Tseng's cheeks, forcing eye contact. Joke was on him, Tseng's eyes couldn't focus enough to make out more than a blur of firetruck red hair. “Way to come through, boss!”

“If you do not release me in the next three seconds,” Tseng said slowly, “I will bite you.”

There was a soft sound that might have been a laugh from the doorway. “I'd listen, if I were you.”

Reno dropped Tseng immediately. “Holy shit, sir, where did you come from?”

Oh no. Now there was no way Tseng could return to his peaceful slumber. The party ended the second Rufus made his presence known. Tseng sat up and rubbed at his eyes until they started working properly. Yeah, that sure was his boss leaning against the doorframe, dressed in unstained, unrumpled white. Rufus' dead-eyed smile had been almost cute on a kid. On an adult, it was positively vampiric. Which meant he had no room to talk about Tseng's biting habits.

“Good morning, sir,” Tseng croaked.

Rufus inclined his head gracefully. How was his hair already perfect? What unholy deals had he made to be both a night owl and a morning person? “Good afternoon, Tseng. Do you have a moment?”

The happy noises Reno was making suggested that it would be a bad idea to say yes. Unfortunately, Tseng knew from experience that blowing off Rufus would be worse. Not just because Rufus was his boss and it would be unprofessional, even during personal time, but because thanks to a series of poor life decisions, Tseng was now 90% sure he and Rufus were dating. And if Rufus was a demanding boss, he was a merciless boyfriend. Especially when he was planning something.

The cat was no help. Elena seemed to genuinely be unconscious. Rude was still playing dead, and whatever was going on, Reno clearly thought it was hilarious. Tseng choked down a whine and schooled his expression into careful neutrality. Why had Vincent quit after the incident with Hojo? He'd been the only one Tseng could trust to discreetly enlighten him on the mysterious inner workings of Rufus' thought process. He'd only lost about 70% of one arm, anyway. Their health insurance would cover that in a heartbeat. 

He could've at least stayed in the band. Asshole.

“Yes,” Tseng rasped at last.

“Excellent.” Rufus' smile grew teeth. “Reno contacted me last night with a most intriguing proposition concerning that band you four are putting together. The rest of you were tripping over yourselves to agree with it, sometimes literally.” So that was why Elena was sprawled half on the coffee table. “I took the liberty of having a design printed up while you were all catching up on your sleep.”

Oh no. There was no world in which that intro didn't lead to something horrifying. Tseng forced himself into a sitting position and did his best to look calm and in control. Rufus respected control. “Sir, there's no need to go out of your way for us. I didn't think you were terribly interested in the band.”

“I'm not,” Rufus admitted freely. “But word on the street has it that Wallace and Lockhart are planning something with their junkyard symphony. Specifically, they're putting out an album. The main track has my name in it, surrounded by unflattering adjectives.”

Aerith's cat stopped licking itself just long enough to give Tseng a look of deep judgement. Tseng felt exactly the same way.

“What have you done and how illegal is it. Sir.”

Reno hummed thoughtfully. “I don't think it's illegal unless we actually try to make one.”

“Sadly,” Rufus agreed. “But it is very distracting.”

“Oh yeah!” The redhead pumped his fist in the air. “Nobody's even gonna look at Seventh Heaven and their shitty album when we've got this as our logo!” 

Then Reno held up something white and horrifying, and for several seconds, Tseng's brain flat-out refused to work. Unacceptable. He was sympathetic to its cause, but he needed to be able to think right now. Otherwise, he might do something stupid, like jump out a window to get away from it.

'It' was a perfectly ordinary T-shirt, of Rufus' preferred bone-white shade, except there was an astonishingly realistic drawing of a cactuar shaped like a thorny green phallus on the front. Its legs were positioned like Zack's ridiculous cactuar dance. Above it in huge, easy-to-read font was the word _Cocktuars_.

Silently, Tseng turned his head and looked at Reno. Reno beamed back, utterly repentant.

“I believe I said something along the lines of 'if you try and name the band Cocktuars I will kill you myself' last night,” Tseng said finally.

Reno laughed. “You say a lot of things.”

Behind him, Tseng could clearly make out Rude sighing in relief before going back to pretending to be a log. Aerith's cat looked around the room, taking in Elena's motionless form, Reno vibrating with victory and entirely too much caffeine, Rufus already outlining the marketing plan he was going to use to make sure nobody even realized Tifa's diss track existed, and went to go curl up beside Rude. Tseng sighed quietly to himself and went over to join them. Clearly they had the right idea.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Someone on a zine Discord channel with me:** I'm definitely glad this is a first draft check in because there is some insane shit in this fic that will definitely have to be changed when I don't do my 'late at nigh twriting binges'  
> note to self, you can't just call the bad gang "The Cocktuars" and get away with it
> 
>  **Me:** If Reno were in a band, it would be called that  
> Is anyone writing a band AU?  
> We have something to submit. XD
> 
> (And then I wrote the thing.)


End file.
